Popular Music Today = Bullcrap

I'm sick of getting ear raped every time I turn on the radio or MTV (even though I don't listen to the radio, and MTV is now the "Teen Demographic Reality Television Network"). If you like any of the bands I'm about to discuss, feel free to exercise your right to die.

Good Charlotte
Bah, I hate Good Charlotte. Their whole getup is "look how punkish and rebellious we are! We have spiked hair - SPIKED HAIR!" Good job, idiots. Now clean my shoes or you don't get paid.

Sum 41
Didn't these guys die? If not, they should.

blink182
Look, guys! They decapatlized their name and put a number at the end! Sounds like an AOL n00b screen name to me. LOL OMG BL1NK182 R0XX0RZ!!!!!1!!!1!!! Idiots.

Avril Lavigne
Why is Canada proud of this punk rock wannabe? I mean, don't get me wrong, that whole tie trend that she started was really cool. No, seriously, it wasn't annoying at all. It was nice to see all of those punk chicks walking around wearing ties. Then when you ask them why they're ripping off Avril Lavigne, they get really defensive and claim they're not ripping her off and they've always liked ties. Which means one of two things: A) They're lying or B) They really always did like ties, but never had the guts to wear one until it became popular, which defeats their whole "punk" crusade. Stupid punks.

Justin Timberlake
I shouldn't have to explain this one, but I will because I despise him with such a passion. How right is it that Justin Timberlake leaves N*SYNC (I think he did, anyway... I was sorta hoping all the other members had just died or something), then goes from making pop music to slightly more "urban"-sounding pop music and all of a sudden is acclaimed for "reinventing himself?" Guess what - it's still the same crap, it's just now he's fooling you all into thinking it's alright. I can't decide who's dumber - him or his fans. Let's call it a tie.

Christina Aguilura
Yeah, I know I didn't spell her last name right. Don't care. What was that song she did, "Beautiful?" Yeah, you're beautiful, Christina - beautiful in that hooker-from-Thailand type of way. She claims she changed her image because she's always been this sexual and now she wants to express herself. Riiight. I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were going into your 20's and were declining in popularity. After all, you're an "artist." By the way, if that "Genie in a Bottle" bullcrap constitutes"art," then I must've lost all hold of the word years ago. I thought art had to mean something more than "taking money from little teenyboppers."

Metallica
Wow, MTV declared them "Icons." Isn't that enough to hate them already? They filed the first lawsuit that started to bring Napster down. Which is justified because, you know, file sharing sure was taking a lot of money from these millionaires. If this file sharing doesn't stop, Metallica won't have a home anymore. Please! Think of the artists!

Kelly Clarkson
I can't wait until her flame from American Idol runs out and she's performing birthday parties and weddings. Does she really have fans?

Pretty much every modern punk band in existence
There's just something about punk bands that I hate that I can't put my finger on. Oh wait, yes I can - they're HYPOCRITS. Punks bands put out this image of anti-conformity and anti-corperatism. Which I guess is why stores like Hot Topic sell so many punk shirts and memoriblia. I suppose the best way to sock it to those corporations is to make them a lot of money. And how can these punk rock kids claim to be anti-conformist when they're all wearing the same black "blink182" shirts with unreasonably large safety pins hanging from their backpacks? It's sort of oxymoronic if you can say that there are so many of these "anti-conformist" kids.

The worse type of punk is the type who will deliberately not do something because it's popular, even if he or she liked it before it was. Guess what - that's called being a "poser." You should know the term well. Not doing something just because it's popular is as bad as doing something just because it's popular.

Argh, I'm done ranting about crappy music now. Don't get me wrong, some of the music out there is pretty good (Foo Fighters and The White Stripes, for example), but the best music is the stuff of yesteryear (i.e. Nirvana, which I suppose wasn't actually all that long ago...) Bottom line is, if you listen to crappy music, I get to kill you. Nope, it's too late, you already agreed to this by reading this article. It's true, didn't you read the fine print on this page? It's right there at the bottom...

By reading this page, you surrender your right to not get killed by Jeff for listening to crappy music. You've been warned.