Email to BabyInk.com

There is a website out there called Baby Ink which claims to be the "ORIGINAL body art chain to cater to toddlers and children." In case you're the type who was offended by "Bonsai Kittens" or thought that article about Harry Potter being satanic was real, I'll spare you some anger and let you know the website is a joke. It's not real. Satire. You get the idea.

After visiting this website, I decided to send them a little email. Maybe I wanted to find out how far they would take their joke, maybe I just wanted to mess with them. Who knows. Whatever my reason, here is the full email I sent them:

Subj: Appointment
Date: 7/8/2003 10:47:31 PM Central Standard Time
To: babyink@babyink.com

Hello! I recently visited your online website (babyink.com) and I must say I love what you're doing! I myself have several tattooes, as do my wife and my girlfriend. I always wanted to get me and my wife's 10-month-old son, Quint, tattooed, but I was never able to find a parlor that would take the job until now!

What we're looking for is possibly a large American flag that would go from the bottom of his neck down to just above the small of his back (essentially, his entire back). Over the flag we want the phrase, "These colors don't run!," in honor of our patriotic infant. How much do you think a job like this would set me back? I'm willing to pay a large sum of money for this. Our son loves America. His grandfather was a veteran, God rest his soul (he lives in Florida now).

Also, what about growth? I assume the child's growth will effect the tattoo. With a child this young and a design this big, how many times do you think we will need to have it "touched up?"

One last thing... Our child has what you could call a "long" back. I'd say it's about a good 7 inches longer than the average 10-month-old's back. To be quite honest, it's a little disgusting, but he's my son and I love him a lot. Would this cause the price to be any higher, seeing as how the design is much larger?

Also, he has acute acne on his back (which I'm told is quite ordinary for a 10-month-old his size), but I'm sure you can work around that.

Thanks!

Samuel Dreamer

This email was sent to them at about 10:47 pm on July 8, 2003. I will post their reply as soon as (and if) I get one.